A Twitter thread by Mat Velloso.
Customer: I need a baby
Junior dev: With one pregnant woman we can deliver it in 2 years
Senior dev: Make it 4 years
Project manager: Can't we just hire 9 pregnant women and deliver the baby tomorrow?
Consultant: My opinion is that your baby is ugly as hell, here's my bill
Architect: I'm proud to say this baby can fill 10 diapers in half an hour, probably more but we ran out of diapers during the load test
Startup CEO: Our baby uses Blockchain please give us money I'm hungry
Steve Jobs: You saw how amazing our baby is, but one last thing... Introducing iCrib
Steve Ballmer: BABIES BABIES BABIES WOOOHOOOOOOOO!
Donald Trump: I know more about babies than anyone! And diapers and stuff
Designer: We explored different designs for babies ad then it hit us: Babies look a lot like knees so we used a knee theme in the babies design
Twitter: Our babies are only allowed to cry for 5 seconds at a time
Containers engineer: I figured out how to package 3 babies in the same diaper using docker and kubernetes
Service Fabric engineer: Our 3 babies keep the state of their diapers automatically synchronized
Sales manager: This is the BEST baby you will ever buy...
Customer: But that's a donkey?
Sales manager: That's just a sample unit and I'm prepared to offer a one in a lifetime promo if you sign here
Futurist: AI will replace babies by 2020
Microsoft: We are pleased to announce Microsoft Baby 365 Professional. Baby collaboration never been easier
Dependency injection dev: Help, there's baby poop appearing everywhere and I have no idea where it is coming from!
Devops engineer: I wrote a script that changes the diapers every 15 minutes at any sign of poo. I call it continuo poop integration
Amazon: Prime customers get 1 hour baby deliver to your doorstep
Lua developer: Before we discuss the baby project I built this presentation with 100 slides to explain to the team why Lua is the best thing since sliced bread
C programmer: My baby is the smallest and fastest. It crashes a lot though, I'm trying to figure out why...
IoT developer: In this one hour demo you will watch me writting a bunch of code for 59 minutes and then a led in the baby's diaper will light up at the end
Full stack developer: I built the baby, then built the diaper, then placed the diaper on the baby's head
Me: This baby is never going to work and to be honest I don't even like babies
Android dev: Our baby uses material design
Windows dev: Our baby uses fluent design
COBOL dev: Kids these days...
Thank you thank you, I'm here most Saturdays, calling people's babies ugly
Google: Our baby is in preview
User: But... He's 40 years old?
Apple: To put the iDiaper on the iBaby you will need this $50 dongle
Half way into the project...
Customer: No, not like that!! I wanted something like this!
Dev: But... That's... That's a porcupine?
Customer: Whatever you call it, it's so cute I want that baby ❤️
Open source dev: I've built this baby out of 23 OSS frameworks and some duct tape.
Customer: That's great, what's your name?
Dev: Dr Frankenstein
Me: Ha I made this joke on internet
Wife: OMG babies! 🤗
Me: No! No, no no no. No!
Mixed reality engineer: God, babies are so old school, who does those things anymore? The future will be mixed reality babies all the way. All the fun without the bad smell
Clippy: It looks like you are trying to make a baby!
User: I want a baby
Alexa: Sorry I'm not sure about that
CryptoBro: Every problem your baby currently has our will every have can be fixed with Blockchain
Also CryptoBro: I've just launched CryptoBabies!
Seriously I can't stop. Somebody please take this phone away from me
Tim Ferriss: I just wrote "The 4 hour baby". A collection of lessons from experts explaining how to make a baby in just four hours.